I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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