I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
