so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
