If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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