I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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