and she was petting her beer can
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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