sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
