This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
