I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
