I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize