Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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