im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
