My room smells like vodka and shame
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
