PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
