Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
