Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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