Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
