I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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