He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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