The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ugly people sure do ruin things
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize