If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
