That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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