Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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