How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
