I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
