i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize