we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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