i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
