I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
