ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
