Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
