we have pet lesbian snakes
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
