he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
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