Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
