Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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