This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
