we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize