im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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