apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
