I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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