You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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