so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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