I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
