booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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