I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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