who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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