I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Terrible idea I love it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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