Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
