Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
