im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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