I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize