it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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