yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
