dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
