We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
