Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
