I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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