Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
