my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
