Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
