To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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