I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
