Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
