she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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