This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
