So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
