six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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