I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
