Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
