The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
