just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
