I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
