You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
