Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
