I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize